Everything falls apart

"Carolyn Myss, the medical intuitive who writes and lectures about why people don't heal, flew to Russia a few years ago to give some lectures. Everything that could go wrong did-flights were cancelled or overbooked, connections missed, her reserved room at the hotel given to someone else. She kept trying to be a good sport, but finally, two mornings later, on the train to her conference on healing, she began to whine at the man sitting beside her about how infuriating her journey had been thus far.
It turned out that this man worked for the Dalai Lama. And he said-gently-that they believe when a lot of things are going wrong all at once, it is to protect something big and lovely that is trying to get itself born-and that this something needs for you to be distracted so that it can be born as perfectly as possible."
From Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott

My god, I am hoping beyond hope that the last sentence in that paragraph is true.

Let me just say, before I go any further, that I know all about the power of positive thinking and how one does not benefit from focusing attention on the bad stuff in our lives. I also know that my "problems" dim in comparsion to what much of the world's population live with every single day.

Still.

I need to vent.

This year has held some really wonderful surprises, like an amazing road trip with my best friend, a job offer from a school I've dreamed about, and many wonderful synchronicities.

It has also held some major shit.

I, like Caroline, have really tried to be a good sport about it, but there are days when I've looked around me at everything falling apart, and I wanted to throw my hands up in the air and scream at some imaginary enemy, "You win! You effing win! I give up!"

So, because my ego has wanted to do this for some time, and I'm not in the mood to argue, here is a sampling of what has happened since I vowed this would be my best year yet.

Someone hacked into my bank account and cleared it out.
My car was hit, and the guy gave me bogus insurance information.
I gained weight.
My roommate had a mental breakdown and made this house a living hell for about two months.
Then she packed up and left me with the bills.
(Just for the record, I highly prefer the latter.)
I started life coaching, and I had to stop after two sessions because my resistance was too intense.
Very painful, unexplained shoulder injury.
And last, but oh-so-certainly-not-least, a near-death experience. Not a peaceful, angels-singing, light-filled experience. A terrifying, panic-inducing nightmare.

So with everything in me, I am hoping and praying that something beautiful is waiting around the corner, that the light I see at the end of the tunnel is my soul and not an oncoming train.

Here's to something big and lovely. Thanks for listenin'.