Changing My Thinking

I'm very clear that everyone in the world loves me. I just don't expect them to realize it yet. Byron Katie

Off to dinner with Chels, February 2008.

Check out my superhero necklace, made by the lovely Andrea!

Oh, oh, OH! I have discovered Byron Katie, and she is a real superhero. I'm so excited about her work that I don't know where to begin. Right now I am reading Loving What Is, and I can't put it down. I keep replaying memorable sentences all day- driving to work, eating lunch, taking a bath. It has been a long time since a book resonated with me so deeply. It is as if I have found another (huge) piece of my own truth, put into words so eloquently by another human being.

I will try to break it down for you here, but just know that I cannot truly put into words what this has ignited in me. If you are the least bit interested, check out the book for yourself. Katie (as she prefers to be called) says that it is not people or events that cause our negative experiences, it is our thoughts about those things. She has a method of inquiry that she calls The Work. Basically, you take any thought that is causing you pain, then you ask yourself four questions. Those four questions can lead you to a place of happiness and inner peace, no matter what is happening "out there."

I have used the four questions to turn around thoughts about my job, my roommate, my body, and past relationships. What is interesting is that none of those circumstances changed, but my thoughts about them changed in the moment. Changing my thoughts has allowed me to really, really see the perfection in what is. I wouldn't say that The Work is a magic wand that has changed my experiences permanently, but I do know that I will have the tools when the negativity sneaks back in. I really feel as if I have stumbled across the work that I will do for the rest of my life.

Just this evening, as I was getting ready for dinner with my good friend Chelsea, I found myself criticizing the way I looked. It's that time of the month, and I was experiencing the dreaded "mushroom effect." I thought to myself, somewhat unconsciously, "Your fat makes you really unattractive." Remembering Katie's approach, I simply asked myself the four questions. Moments later, I walked out my front door feeling confident, happy, and relaxed. Without the turnaround, I would have spent the evening sucking in my stomach and wondering what complete strangers were thinking about me. Instead, I had a great time connecting with an old friend. This. Stuff. Works!

If you find yourself in a similar situation, remind yourself of something that really stood out to me tonight. What other people think is their business. You decide whether or not you are attractive. Your thoughts determine how you feel, and that's what really matters.

Loving yourself takes courage. I'm not completely there yet, but I'm getting braver every day.