Should I?

I sent out an e-mail to my sister recently, and she replied with some sisterly advice. Once a big sister, always a big sister. ;-) She told me that I say "I should" far too much. She told me to stop "shoulding" myself. I just like the way that sounds. Shoulding. Hehe.

Okay, but seriously, she is so right! If you could, god forbid, be inside my head for a day, you would likely hear...

I should wash my car. I should go to bed earlier. I should wake up earlier. I should drink more water. I should take a vitamin. I should put away my laundry. I should do the dishes. I should go work on my classroom. I should vacuum. I should do my hair differently. I should eat a salad instead. I should go to the gym. Blah, blah, blah.

You would not hear, I should laugh more. I should enjoy the damn bowl of ice cream without the side of guilt. I should grab a fishing pole and head to the lake. I should give myself a break for once!

I have been having some strange dreams lately- one involving a moose in my recliner smoking a cigarette- and no, I haven't taken up the crack pipe. But one of my dreams might have actually meant something, and it keeps coming back to me when I start to make a to-do list in my head. I dreamed that there were two of me- the me that exists now, and the me that exists in the future (the me I hope to become). The future me handed me a red slip of paper, and on it were the words, "I give you permission to take a break. You are free to do whatever feels good simply because you can." I remember feeling immense relief.

So guess what, folks? It's break time. I am officially taking a break from being the manager of every detail of my life and handing over the reigns to the Universe. In the meantime, I will be surrounding myself with friends (Tara time, a must! More Bob time, asap! Erol, Allison, let's just do it!), planting flowers (thanks, Mom!), eating snow cones, and renting funny movies. And Tren, thank you. I see in you many things I hope to become.