Challenge: Perfectionism
Yep, I'm a perfectionist. This presents a challenge. Right now I am in a really great time of my life, taking responsiblity for my circumstances and recreating them the way I choose. However, those sweet moments of creation have been shadowed by the part of me that doesn't believe it's enough. There is a part of me that has existed as long as I can remember that, in the face of some accomplishment, says, "So that's it?" And oh, how that part of me springs into action when I (gasp!) make a mistake.
In my quest for more money, I recently paid off a rather large bill. One part of me wants to celebrate that, and the other points out the stack of unpaid bills near my desk. This is also the part that criticizes me for spending money on "non-essentials" like dinners with friends or a magazine.
Since I am working on being healthy, I recently quit caffeine. That is huge. HUGE. Keep in mind that I teach kindergarten. There are days when I am sure the kids had Mountain Dew and Twinkies for breakfast. Caffeine was how I got through the day. However, I knew that it was unhealthy, so right in the midst of a bout of PMS (!), I dropped it. Just woke up one morning and said, "That's it! I'm done with caffeine!" A four-day headache followed. Oh, and don't get me started on the mood swings. But here I am, post-withdrawals, and I'm paying more attention to my body's messages. Messages like "Get some sleep, drink some water." Cause for celebration, right? At least a pat on the back...Instead, I find myself focusing on the candy I ate yesterday afternoon. Gah!
Same thing at work. I know, KNOW, that I am a great teacher. It's my passion. I love what I do. I go in early, stay late, spend my own money for the classroom, teach way more than is expected, and make learning FUN. So why is it, at the end of the day, I get discouraged by my messy desk? (Okay, messy is an understatement. I half expect a student from years past to come crawling out of the debris at any moment.)
I'd been thinking about this for about a week when I had one of those aha! moments. I realized that my accomplishments in the past didn't require perfection. I graduated college at the top of my class. However, I did my share of skipping classes, missing assignments, bombing tests. I have lost weight before, and that happened despite some missed workouts and a couple of "splurges" at my favorite Mexican restaurant. I have taught twenty children how to read in the past five months, even though some of my strategies didn't work with this group of students.
If only I could encourage myself as much as I praise my students. If one of them writes a numeral correctly (after dozens of failed attempts), we high-five. When a child reads a word for the first time, we all "kiss our brains." Someone who ties their shoes for the first time gets their photo posted by the door with a congratulatory sign. Our little "celebrations" are a big deal because it shows the children that I'm proud of them, that it's okay not to get it right the first time, and that I believe their continued success is inevitable.
I think it's time I give myself the same gift.
In my quest for more money, I recently paid off a rather large bill. One part of me wants to celebrate that, and the other points out the stack of unpaid bills near my desk. This is also the part that criticizes me for spending money on "non-essentials" like dinners with friends or a magazine.
Since I am working on being healthy, I recently quit caffeine. That is huge. HUGE. Keep in mind that I teach kindergarten. There are days when I am sure the kids had Mountain Dew and Twinkies for breakfast. Caffeine was how I got through the day. However, I knew that it was unhealthy, so right in the midst of a bout of PMS (!), I dropped it. Just woke up one morning and said, "That's it! I'm done with caffeine!" A four-day headache followed. Oh, and don't get me started on the mood swings. But here I am, post-withdrawals, and I'm paying more attention to my body's messages. Messages like "Get some sleep, drink some water." Cause for celebration, right? At least a pat on the back...Instead, I find myself focusing on the candy I ate yesterday afternoon. Gah!
Same thing at work. I know, KNOW, that I am a great teacher. It's my passion. I love what I do. I go in early, stay late, spend my own money for the classroom, teach way more than is expected, and make learning FUN. So why is it, at the end of the day, I get discouraged by my messy desk? (Okay, messy is an understatement. I half expect a student from years past to come crawling out of the debris at any moment.)
I'd been thinking about this for about a week when I had one of those aha! moments. I realized that my accomplishments in the past didn't require perfection. I graduated college at the top of my class. However, I did my share of skipping classes, missing assignments, bombing tests. I have lost weight before, and that happened despite some missed workouts and a couple of "splurges" at my favorite Mexican restaurant. I have taught twenty children how to read in the past five months, even though some of my strategies didn't work with this group of students.
If only I could encourage myself as much as I praise my students. If one of them writes a numeral correctly (after dozens of failed attempts), we high-five. When a child reads a word for the first time, we all "kiss our brains." Someone who ties their shoes for the first time gets their photo posted by the door with a congratulatory sign. Our little "celebrations" are a big deal because it shows the children that I'm proud of them, that it's okay not to get it right the first time, and that I believe their continued success is inevitable.
I think it's time I give myself the same gift.
posted by BlossomingSoul at
4:29 PM
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